I've been thinking again. hell, i always think, dont i ? Just too much.
Do i still wanna get away from here ? Yes, i do. I still do. But someday. And i think, maybe, that day can wait a little longer.
I've got my entire life planned out, but this time, i left everyone out. Only me.
Selfish ? Yes, i am, because at this point i cant take another stab, so everyone's left out, except for the ones i wanna include, which is only family.
Im cool with it i guess. Everything. Im not content. But ... Its worth it. Some people are just worth it. Worth everything. Some are not. And i guess i found the exact person i've been looking for, right next to me. And that persons worth everything. And i'll risks it. The pain and th wdv ... I will. Because whats life without taking chances and getting hurt ? :)
And it will be for me too. Now its not, but along the way, it will be.
I dont wanna give anymore. I dont want anything anymore. I want, need me. The me everyone hated. And then, because of that, i hated me, but then, what the hell was th use ? "im not a mistake, im not a fake, im just wired differently."
I dont get it. Is it, is this really so interesting ? Seeing me ... Like this ? So miserable ? Because im not, i will be, hell ya, i used to be, i am still, and will be, but happiness just walked into my life with no sound, and i have no intention to let it go.
Coming home this saturday D: Idontwanttoo! everythings here better, but ... this is fantasy, and thats reality, and sometimes, reality catches up with you as fast as you run away from it.
Readreadread. All holidays, readreadread. Takes my mind off things, when i do.
But theres still one thing i have to do before anything can happen in my life,
I'll have to grow up.
Which, i dont want too, or need too.
Growing up ?
Wait another 7years or so :D

Been in a bloody bad mood th entire day.
I cant sleep.
I cant eat.
I cant think.
Everythings so wrong.
Idw to even go back. Home. It doesnt even feel like home. I wanna go away from there. Far far away. Not from my loved ones of cos, but ... From everything else.
Its too ... Hurtful ? Rushed ? Strained ? Nothing is ever right back there. Nothing will ever be, right ?
I, have nth left to say, do or think. I've forgotten. Everything. Everyone. I even forgot how my own mum looked like. How sad can it get ? Everyones faces have become so blurr. No one ... Stands out anymore. Not even me. I dont get it. Life. Love. Friendship. I dont. And I dont think I ever will.
Love ... Maybe ... I know i'll get there. Someday. Some bloody totally magical day.
Life ... It could be worse ... But its just getting harder to breathe by the second.
Friendship ? Lets not even go there.
Im creating fantasies that I know ... Everyone knows, will never ever come true.
Im living in a world where ... No one knows what they want, who they need, and who they are. Even me. Its gotten too messed up. I look up and see nth.
Because ... I rmb, I pushed you away.
I never intended to though. But I knew it would happen. Who didn't.
I ... Know, everything now.
Its time, I think, To ... Move away. From everything and everyone. Get away from the drama, tears and maybe even laughter ...
I dont expect this year, or the year next to be so wonderful and lovely as i planned it to be. Hell, Life really is surprising.
I dont expect, anything. Anyone.
I've disarm, because the strain on my heart got too much.
But im still wondering, should I open up ? I never did, and got everyone hurt.
Would it be worth th risks ? Because, right now,
Nothing is worth anything.

okay, finally found inspiration to write this song. haish.
-Should have been you-

VERSE1
I fought for everything. Our love.
It slid through our hands, like sand.
You left. Now youre back.
Youre back. He's here.
What should i do.
CHORUS
He should have been you.
He could have been you.
It hurts.knowing i'll have to chose.
You left. He came.
I thought you were irreplacable.
But you let go. You chose too.
I look at him, and smile, but he doesnt know,
He should and could have been you.
VERSE2
The day you left, it rained.
Night after night, i cried myself to sleep.
Slowly, his arms came around me, taking away the pain.
You caused.
You broke me.
He fixed me.
Now, youre back. And he's here too.
What should i do.
CHORUS
He should have been you.
He could have been you.
It hurts.knowing i'll have to chose.
You left. He came.
I thought you were irreplacable.
But you let go. You chose too.
I look at him, and smile, but he doesnt know,
He should and could have been you.
BRIDGE
Youre making it harder. You know what youre doing to me.
We both know. Whos better.
We both know. You left.
We both know. Youre making it hard to be faithful.
We both know. I love you. I do, but you let go.
I stayed. You left. He came.
You say, i didnt wait.
I waited. Days. Months. Years. Where were you ?
It aint fair to him. It wont be.
But ...
We both know, He should be you.
Wiping my tears.
Holding my hand.
Making me smile.
Loving me.
He should have been you ... He could have been you.
But,
you let go, didnt you?
DONE.
:D<3

That should be me.
That should be you.
Making me laugh.
Holding my hand.
This is so wrong.

Just came back from JB, back home at aunts house. Cmg home only on saturday :) I have grown awfully addicted to old old romance novels. Stupid but its reeaaally funny :D the stupid quotes and lines. HEHE :)

Dream. Dream. Dream.
Its all in my head aint it?
I remember everything. Do you?
I dont ... I dont know anymore. I cant see the line between fantasy and reality.
Bad.
I want us to be a dream. Remember ? We made plans. Have you forgotten? No, you forgot. Everything. I am too crazy in love, aint I ? I want to be safe and sound. But nowhere feels like home.
Im lost. Yet to find where I belong. Where I go.
Everytime, we walk into school, we're labelled.
Jock.Emo.Bitch.Classclown.Nerd.Tomboy.Slut.Assholes. Like, its stuck on our foreheads. I dont want that. I dont want to be labelled. Maybe i alr am, bitch right ? We all are, in our own ways. But we also are perfect in our own unusual ways.
I just wanna wake up feeling beautiful.
I dont want anything. Or everything. Just a little love and support.
To see. To cry. To laugh. To smile. To love. To feel.
Youre making it harder, each minute. You know, dont you. Its like, one look and i feel like you see right through me. You know. You do. And yet, you just ... not dont care, but you pretend you dont see it. Dont feel. We both know. Its still there. I dont hate you. I dont love you. Did you think i would have stayed around, when you have her? I am not a toy. Forget it. Everything. I've got my pride, while you have her.Fair ? This is so sad. Youre so sad.
I can see, goddamnit. I am not blind. Stop treating me like a child. Telling me where to go, and blahblahblah. You know nth about me.
Dont comment on my life or on me, just because youve been apart of it before. People change right? Whether we like it or not. Better or worse.
You dont know.
Dont say you do.
Pls dont say anything.
Because, i am letting go.

*Youre a trainwreck, but i wouldnt love you if you changed*

IT WAS AWEEESOMEEE.
GREAT.
EXCELLENT.
FANTASTIC.
IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAYYY :D
JADEN SMITH MAY BE 12, BUT O.M.G HES HOT FOR A 12 YEAR OLDDD !!! LOVVVVEEEED THE FIGHTING :) ! OH AND JACKIE CHAN ! WHO CAN FORGET HIM ? ;) HEWASGREATTOO IGUESS ?
HAHAHAHAHAHA, MAYBE WATCHING 'THE KILLERS' OR 'THE A-TEAM' TMR :P

--Let tonight be the night, where your face stays forever with me. <3--

In my dreams.
youre always there.
Is this real ?
Are you real ?
Everytime i awake, i dont remember anything. I rmb the unwanted details, but not how you look, how you sound.
Its scaring th hell outta me. Every night. Sometimes, i am terrified to go to sleep, because i know, once i awake, you'll be gone.
Its stupid though, cos you dont even exsists. And even if you do ... i dont think we'll ever meet.
The feelings.
In the dream, the feelings between us. Why are they so real ? Why are they still there when i wake up, and your face isnt ?
I'll wait. For days. For months. Even for years.
Becuse somehow, somewhere, i know youre there. You will be there. Right there. I know i'll meet you one day. I have too. Because ... Because, this gut feeling has never been more right and strong about smth. Even if you dont turn out to how i thought you'd be, i'd be just glad that i met you. Even if you remain a bystander in my life.
Your smile. So real.
Your eyes. So bright.
Your love ... Undescrible. Idk why, Idk how, Idk when. Youre just right.
Just right.
And only when i started dreaming of you, everything started making sense. Everything fell right into place. Youre like that missing puzzle.
I might be crazy. I know i am.
But i am 13. 13 :) all this, isnt bullshit.
Its time, to shine.

-- Lightening dont strike the same place twice. When you and me say goodbye, i felt the angels cry.--

If youre faced with a choice and you have to choose i hope you choose the one that means the most to you. When all the doors close, i hope you find the window. I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, and each road takes you where you wanna go,if its cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile, but most of all,
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big and your worries stay small. And you dont carry more than you can hold. And while youre out there where youre getting to, i hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too.
FROM "MY WISH" BY RASCAL FLATTS :D

In KL right now :) sitting with my obsessed lady gaga cousin, whos weird and ... mean. i think. i miss home. even after so much. i do D: but no where feels like home. i wont forget those who loved me and still do. Now, its different. i am going to make this life mine. I dont want to keep waiting, hoping and wishing. Theres no use. I cry. I still do. I am not gonna lie. I do. Almost every night.
Why ?idk. Its stupid but yah, i do. Do i miss all those stupid, crazy and funny moments ? Yes. hey, who wont ? :D but .. i want to regret, but i cant. theres nothing. but theres nth left to say, sometimes ... a fight is better black and white.
Going watch 'Karate Kid' on thursday nigh or smth like that :)
WATCH 'HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS' AND 'ECLIPSE' TRALIER :D
SWEEEEEEEET ;) GONNA WATCH BOTH.
Cousin bringing me out ... Saturday or sunday after his exams :) HEHEHEHEHE :D HAVE IT ALL SORTED OUT ;D ITS GONNA BE ONE WILD NIGHT. HAHHAHA :)
Have been sleeeeping superr late these days, and waking up at 7:30am D:
Blahblahblah. Besides having damn bizarre dreams, ... Everything's "NORMAL" :D I THINK.

--Tell me whom you love, I'll tell you who you are.--

--Great acting man. I'd give you a 10 out of 10 man. Like seriously.
I may not study all the time.
Or listen in class,
but im not thaaaat dumb please.
These walls im putting up. Is never coming down. I swear. Whoever comes along.
One minute is love, the next is like th bloody battlefield.
Its a shame. Every moment wasted.
Everythings a lie. A simple lie.
I am a first class liar. :)
The scar is still there. Its fresh. I dont even think times gonna heal it.
Self pity ?
Yah, i guess thats what i am doing.
It wont get me anywhere, wouldnt it ?
If you think im not worth your time, turn around, and never walk back.
Cos we both know, no matter what, said and done, its never gonna be th same.
Behind a smile, is a mystery.
Dont let it get into your head.
Dont.
Ever.
I never meant to start a war, and idevenknow what we're fighting for.
Can someone kindly tell me ?
Its all about the pride isnt it ?
Who says sorry first, is the loser isnt it ?
Friend ? Bestfriend ?
Excuse me, BUT HOW TH HELL DO YOU TREAT A FRIEND OR A BESTFRIEND ?
Why dont you gimme an instruction manual eh ?
Once you open yourself up to a person, Once you tell a person secrets, Once you trusts a person. That person is in your heart. Always.
So, what ? How ? tell me. so now, i shall only tell my bestfriend secrets about me, and leave my friends wondering. Right ?
NO. cos when i did that. It was wrong.
Fair ? what in the world is fair ? Nothing is.
Nothing ever will be.
The problem ALWAYS has and will lie in me :)
Its the way i think.
Its the way i talk.
Its the way i express myself.
Its the way i do everything.
It just pisses you off, right ?
Well now, i am pissed.
Nono, not at you :)
At me :)
You dw to know why. Or neither am i going to tell anyone why.
No one knows what i am thinking of doing. Saying. Writing.
I'll keep it locked up, from today. My mind. My heart.
I'll become my own bestfriend. And friend.
It will hurt. I know it will.
But hey, whats new ? been thrgh it. Again. And again. And again.
If i was gone, wouldnt every soul be so much better ?
Death. Such a beautiful thing.
One more step and i am almost there.
Take me, I am ready.

KILLERS ! PRINCE OF PERSIA ! HOTHOTHOT :D AWESOME MOVIES :) HEHEHEHE :D
HAD A GREAAAT TIME ON TUESDAY WITH MASRINA AND YC :D
THE BEST PEOPLE IN TH WORLD. ! :)
YC ! RMB OUR CANDLELIGHT DINNER DATE EH :D
TODAY, WATCHED THE KILLERS WITH RACHEL, IT WAS OKAY :) MOVIE WAS GREAT. :D
--Nothing was ever worth th risks.--