Even after everything, You are still so ... cold. I know i aint all that great and am selfish and whatever crap. But hey, Please if you dont like me or my attitude then tell me. Straight away. I agree i wont change. Becos im happy with who i am. With what i am. I dont need everyone else to be happy. Becos friends come and goooo. How i wish they stayed. :( I dont regret spending all my time with you. I dont regret anything we did together. :). Even if i dun have you,I have your memories. :D

I should reallyyyy forget. :(. But nothing i do nor say will ever change the fact, that i have fallen for you. Mumm not happy with my results. Got 12th position in class. Hey atleast i didnt get 30 or 28 or even 40 ! Not insulting anyone though. Nevermind, still got next year then next year then next year, Then the lasts yearrr. Even thinking bout leaving makes me sickkkk :(. I wanna stay right here, with them and you forever and always. Possible ? Hm, Impossible. :(. 2months ! What the heck am i going to do ?! HAHAHA, slackkkkk. Impossible also, cos mum is planning out my entire hols :(. Dreaammm bout what could be ? Possibleeeee ! :D. Thinkkkk of youuu,Also Possibleeee ! :D ! HAHAHA.

*If this is what they call Love, Then its the sweetest and most beautiful feeling on earth*

And the lasts day had to be the worsttttt :(

All i did during the LF, was stare at you. And that made my day :).

Apart from that, The morning was greattttt :). But everything started to get worst.
:(.

This time it is my fault and i dun deny it. My mommm came for LF ! Was so surprised but happy :D. She met all my friends. Told them to come and have a sleepover during hols :). Hope it works out by then. :)

What happened to us ? We drifted apart...

You finally broke me.

Im useless. Everything i do hurts the people i love. Being me justs causes me so much trouble. Im a disappointment to everyone around me. Im done with being myself. Im done. No more broken smiles, Fake laughs. Say bye to the fake and say hello to the real. Next year ... Next year ... We'll justs fly by again. The same mistakes. Same people.Same Lies. Same pain. Same me. Its time i learned to walk on my own. Im justs going to keep everything in me. I dunt care if it hurts. Not a tear will shed from these eyes. Not an ounch will this heart hurt. Be cold. Im justs another fucking bitch who gave up and became a burden to those who loved her.

I hope you and them go live happily ever after.

Firstly, I wanna thank brandon for trying to help, Well in the end he did :).
And one more special person, Afiqa. I justs had to say one word on msn and you knew what to do.Those words up there are for you my dear. For always being there and knowing excatly what to say and when to say it. :). I would seriously have broke down if you didnt come and save me like superwoman !!!!!!!! HAHA, Justs wanted to say I L.O.V.E YOU !

Seriously, I have nothing left to say bout us. I dun mind nor care what you do or who u hang out with anymore. You didnt even try to help, All you said was "Go asks her lah." Thats not what you call F.R.I.E.N.D and most definitely not a B.E.S.T.F.R.I.E.N.D. Seriously in the worst of times, i found out who my R.E.A.L friends were. And they were right there next to me. But not you, You musts have been too busy complaining how mean or bad or misunderstanding or unkind or irritating or annoying and uunfaithful i was to you, But i want to asks you, Where the hell were you ? Nevermind. Take it as im already gone. We were meant to say goodbye.

Tomorrow is the Last day of secondary 1 school life. Next years a totally mysterious and i bet it will be A.W.E.S.O.M.E ! HAHAHA. Goodnight ! Tomorrow got dumbdumb learning fiesta :(. Hope it will be fun and not Boring becos who knows during the hols i might die out of B.O.R.E.D.O.M ! :D

Nights :), Sweetdreams.
Loveee,
Rithaa.

Tomorrow is the lastttttt day of skewllllllllll ! :(
I dont want to leave. :(.
Nevermind still got next year :). It will be interesting to see who changed the mosttt, And whus still the same :)

Those chidlish fights i had with you, left a strong impression in my heart, That you were mean and annoying but the more time i spend with you, The more i think youre sweet and nice, When you smile, I sense a joy in me :). Buttttt, nothing will nor is going to happen, So yeah. I have one more matter pending. Haveee to solve it by todaayyyyy :).

I couldnt have possibly meant what i said. Im sorry. I had to. For the sake of our happiness. I had to. :(. If you ever find out, Please dont be maddd. I only wanted you to be happy :(. I dont care how much i hurt, I justs want to see you smile :)

Those words up there are for you. I finally woke up and saw, How every fight we had, was my fault becos it was either i was too mean or too loud or too that or this, Yes i know, youre going to digg up the pasts and say "Oh you betrayed me" ! And all this crap. But the past is useless ! im too mean and all this crap. What ? You are Miss Perfect isit ? Everyone has their own good and bad points. I was not mad with you, but until last period, You totally changed towards me, Oh and whose fault isit ? MINEEEEEEE ! Isnt it ? Seriously, We're done. Every single moment i spent with you is G.O.N.E. Every smile you gave me is G.O.N.E. Everything we ever had is G.O.N.E.
We dreaded this happening, And it did.

*True Love doesnt have a happy ending. True Love never has an ending.*

IM BACCCCKKKKK ! Anyone miss me ? :). I guess not. I justs found out that im my grandma's fave grandchild ! HAHA. After soooooo much of scolding she has given me ! Its like she made a frame and in the frame are photos of me growing up ! Everyone got jealous :). Nice to know that im loved. Maybe will be travelling ALONE to KL next week :) ! See first, not confirmed. No skewl 2mr AGAIN ! :D

Ever since he said those words, they have been playing in my mind and wouldnt go away, But wait.You like her and I like him. See, 2 different worlds. 2 different paths. This time, this heart aint falling that easily, No way am i going to let myself make another big mistake. Never. Never.Never. And even if i fall, I will never admit it. I will lock it up in a vault and the key, Thrown far away where no one can find it. Only me ! So yah, basically. Its The End for us. We will both find true love somehow and some day. :).

Tomorrow will be another BORRRIIIINNNNGGGGG day ALLL ALONE at home :)

I'm not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down,

I tried so very hard not to loose it;
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I thought of every possibility,

And I know some day that itll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get.......
I just haven't met you yet.

I might have to wait,
Ill never give up,
I guess it's half timin', and the other half's luck,
Wherever you are,
Whenever it's right,
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazin',
And baby your love is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility.

They say alls fair
in love and war
But I wont need to fight it,
we'll get it right an',
we'll be united

With your every look and glance, i go crazy.
With your every touch and every smile,my heart races for air.
With your every breath and your everyheartbeat,mine will follow.
But,
I JUSTS HAVENT MET YOU YET !

Im not going to talk about my rubbishy results. I hate them ! But its not the overall yet, so who knows ?

Im sorry but i seriously want to say whats on my mind :

Firstly, you act as if everyone MUSTTTTTSSSS respect you justs becos youre some bloody ....... ! Then you give me faces. Then you go and cry justs because no one wants to listen to you and your words and annoying scolding. HELLOOOO ???!!!! Hve you looked into the mirrorn yet ? I dont think so, because youre justs being plain annoying and sacarstic bitch ! Sorry but hey, not ONLY i think that way :). We justs want the OLD you back. :(.

Yea yea. Loves sweeeeettt poisoooonnnn that kills you softly. ARGHHH, i want to rewind time and see what would happen when we're Sec2. Justs the feeling makes me nervous. Its like your force to grow up, when you dont want to :(. i want to stay sec1 forvever. ;(.

* Everytime i turn i wait to see you, but i really see is him :(. And it actually hurts knowing we'll never get a chance to say "HI". It always hurts. Justs have to live with the pain and deal with the drama*

Can anyone explain to me what is fate ? I want to know.

Today school was GREAAATTTTT :D. Except for the part that my results have gone down, But havent add in CA1 and CA2 marks yet so ..... Who knows ? :). Tomorrow Lit, Geog and Maths :(. Im surely going to fail maths but definitely not Lit and Geog. Had a long talk with rachel about us, family probs and friends. So while sitting the guy passed by once, And i used my eyes to show her but she was toooo slow by the time she turned, All she could see was his head. Then again he walked back to class and again all she caught was his side of his face. :).

Im borrrreeeeeedddddddddddd. :(. Going to singggggg till mum comes home and gives me a earful about my results :(.
*NO SCHOOL ON THURSDAY ! WOOOOHHHHOOOO !:D
* I look forward to skewl everyday now :) Because you made it real :)

Everythings so wrong ;(. i dont want to go to skewl and face everything and everyone after what has happened. Yes im a coward. Im falling off the track and theres no one to catch me because i drove them all out and now im on my own.They tell me to take a break, From what ?! She tells me to be myself. Myself= emo,unhappy,angry,scared,insecured,shattered hopes and dreams,unloved and unwanted. Fake me= smiles,laughter,happiness,love,care,understanding.

Now which one shall i choose ? Im tired of trying to make everything seem and look perfect when its fucking not ! I hate this bloody life and i hate this bloody idiotic me. Whom never saw what was true and what was fake and lost everything in a moment and i stood there justs allowing my life to pass me by. Should i listen to him ? Put myself before friends and family ? Should i care more about me than them ? She tells me start a new life, Forget the pasts. What if the pasts never leaves you ? What if starting a new doesnt change a thing ? Then what am i going to do ? I dont know who to turn to, who to look for, who to cry to, who to trusts and who to love. I have fallen and crashed and this time, its unmendable. Fanstasy, Prince charming, True love. All fucking crap. All of it. I want to go far away. Justs so far away that no one can come and find me. No one. I have lost everything. Love. Hope. Tusts. Care. Beauty. Time and most importantly Friends. I lost them all or losing them slowly. Forgive and Forget isnt it ? What if someone couldnt forgive nor forget ? Nope, in this cruel world, Theres no place for fantasies and true love. No place for ... For weak,naive people. Let be blur, let me be blur for i never want to see this world again. For i never want to wake again. For i never want to breathe again. For i never want to Love again.

Hello ! :). Had a great goodnight sleep. Went out the whole morning. :(. Watching "Lengend And The Seeker" AGAIN ! Craig Hornour is HOTTTTTTTT ! =D ! I <3 HIM ! Reading a sad yet wonderful Love story called, 'Forget'. Will posts later if theres anything to post about.

*These feelings are cutting to deep into me. Theres no description to everything that happened and is happening to me*

I know this isnt what i wanted. This wasnt suppose to happen to me. My head has been spinning seen friday. My heart, i can feel it ache. Im trying to keep the light from going in and the clouds from ripping out my broken heart. They always say a heart is not a whole without the one who gets you through the storm. But, what storm ? The only people who have gone through a real storm with me and stayed by me through it, is Leora, Afiqa and Rachel. Everything looks so grey. Im sitting in a room with no light entering, Because the light hurts my eyes. Love is showing me a world i never knew exsists. Those fairytales, 'Romeo and Juliet', 'Cinderella', 'Snow White', 'Beauty and the Beast' and 'Sleeping Beauty'. All had perfect endings. All had their prince charmings. But, i guess they only exsists in fantasy. Because love hurts far worst than anything else in this world. The walls are closing in on me. i need to run out of this box before i run out of air. I want to run into their (L,R,A) arms and cry like hell. I swear i do. And you gals know i love you and will even die for you right ? And you also know that NO ONE can replace your places in my heart. Seriously NO ONE. I want to head for the finishing line. My life is like a race track, Always running for time or running away from things that i know will make me weak, But oh, you made me so weak, its unimaginable. The feelings itself is undescrible, No, i should forget. i shouldnt fall that easily. I shouldnt give my heart so easily. Im falling off the track of life, Who will i see at the finishing line ? Who will be waiting and who will be gone ? But tonight i could fall to soon to the beautiful moonlight. See this heart wont settle down. Im giving up so justs catch me. Kays, i have to stop this. Love now for me is BULLSHIT. I swear, never to love again. Never. So, lets forget him.

Rithaa took What colour is your soul?

Red
You have a red soul. Red souls can attract anyone with their likeable personality. They make friends easily and often. You are fiery and loud and people look up to you. You love adventure and generally having ...everyone hear what you have to say. You are fiercely loyal to your closest friends and family and will always stick up for those you love.

However, you can be stubborn when things don’t go your way and anger can burst out of you at regular intervals. You can sometimes move on from people fast not realising they are hurt. Be sure not to give people false hope when it comes to relationships, you may see it as a fling but they may not. Also be sure to keep your anger under control. Think next time when you are about to explode, are you really that annoyed.

Rithaa took What eye color do you have? And what does it mean.

Hazel eyes.
People with hazel eyes are very lovable. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are REALLY hot and are awesome to be around. They en...joy 'pet names'. They don't care what people think or say. They are lovers not fighters. But if you mess around, they'll knock you out cold! They are real partiers.They are also the hottest of all! VERY sexy people,and AWESOME kissers. They are very satisfying and they love to please. They can exceed your pleasure standards. They are very laid back, chilled but they also have lots of energy when they need or want it! They love to just be around.

Rithaa took Find the Real You

Strong
You're a very strong person. Sometimes you can blend in with the crowd but other times you like to be different. You are very opinionated and you always have an opinion and you will always tell people what you thin...k of them. You don't like being around too many people but you don't like being alone either. You're really easy to get on with and you don't judge people. You love having your own group of friends and you will trust them with anything. You're not good at making decisions but your friends and family always give you support.

Rithaa ask to Fortune Teller Genius:

Asked Is he the one ? and the answer is Of course yes!!

Rithaa took What does your sign say about you?

Leo Astrology July 23 - August 22
- Confident
- Ambitious
- Generous
- Loyal
- Encouraging
- Pretentious
- Domineering
- Melodramatic
- Stubborn
- Vain
Leo is very independent but they need something to c...ontrol and someone to admire them and appreciate them. They are fully capable of being greatly successful on their own but they are much happier if they have an audience and a following of people who look up to them. They would prefer not be alone.
People are attracted to Leo's zest for life and their warm spirit. They have the ability to lift up one's spirits and provide encouragement when times are rough. Their enthusiasm attracts people, Leos are social butterflies, not because they want to be but because people always naturally gravitate and surround the Leo. Leos are very difficult people to not like, they are usually fairly balanced, realistic people. They never dwell on the past and they will think you are strange if you do. Some Leos might be too caught up in themselves and be very self-centered but they are never too self-absorbed to help anyone who needs it. They pamper their friends and treat them well. A Leo is the ultimate friend. They do not hold a grudge and they are very forgiving. They have respect and understanding of people's differences.
Business dealings are easy and success...

Rithaa took What do people think when they see your eyes?

mysterious eyes
you dont open up easily and you dont come easily. you are unique and are probably naturally pretty. others are curious about you

Rithaa just took the "is he the one for you ?" quiz and the result is definaltly .

this guy is so for you . its fate and you shouldnt hid your feelings for him

THATS ABOUT IT. :D

Went metro sale. Got nothing there but bought a few presents for ccousins that are coming today. :). From yesterday till today, youre still stuck in my head. I fake a smile for everyone, so that they wont see how much tears and pain i have in me. Quietly slowly and softly, You snatched this heart away. Youre the song in my room i keep singing, I dont know why i do. And when you walk pass me, Cant you see i cant breathe ? So perfectly and flawlessy, Whichever girl gets you, Better love you well. Because youre worthy of the best while im the worthy of the worst. As i walk home everyday, and at night, I shut you out of my mind and try to go to sleep. My head and eyes hurt from yesterday. I feel like crying again. :(. I get so emotion. And it aint good, AT ALL. I feel so suffocated. I cant breathe. My heart. This heart has been sacered so many times that. All that is left off it are shattered pieces.Its killing me. Youre killing me. I try so hard not to fall, But i justs fall slowly and after a few MONTHS, i realise that i have fallen so deep. So deep that its hard to get up and carry on.Byebye. Will posts later at night. Loves the world but likes or maybe even loves you more. That it hurts. :(
*I NEED YOU* :(.

~I didnt get to sleep well~
~I didnt dream~
~My heads spinning~
~My hearts in pain~
~These feelings are something i have never felt before,So mysterious.~
~Yet, these feelings are so soothing~
~You'll be gone by next year~
~So,i should justs forget bout you~
~I see your face in my mind as a driveaway~
~Problems have been solve.~
~There r so many bumps in this road that im taking.~
~Its never simple nor easy.~
~They will be people better than you.~
~I dont even know you.~
~Im sucha a bitch.~
~Youre eyes are so warm.~
~Everything is DEFINITELY my fault.~
~Im torn between alot of people, and only 3 of them are true.~
~Why do guys have to be so inccredibly goodlooking and heartmelting ?~
~Why is there something called "LOVE" when all it gives is heartfelted pain ?~
~Why am i so ugly ?~
~Why is time going so quickly?~
~Why does everything catch up with me so fasts ? Even when i run away from it ?~
~Why do i like you so ?Why do i think of you so ?Why do i want you so ?~
~ WHY CANT IT BE "The End" ?~

It started a few months ago .... The first time i layed eyes on you was because of her, And then i started seeing you, Everyday, More and more. And now i think feelings are getting in the way. Hes slipping out of my mind and youre taking his place. Leora calls F.A.T.E becos of yesterday and today. But shes prettier than me so you definitley wld have been looking at her. Dreaming.I should justs forget about you, I dont even know you yet .... Im 2 naive. When i walk pass his classroom i dont dare look in and see him but when i walk pass yours, I look in and find you. I dont want a brokenheart and i dont want to play the brokenhearted girl. Youre smile and your presents justs makes it so perfect. So real. What am i going to do when the best part of me was always you ? When a heart breaks its doesnt break even. Im falling into pieces, Ever since cupid found its way back to me. :(

-EOY OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ! :D-

Im so happyyyyyyyyyy thats its over ! HAHAHAHAHAH, Maths was THEEEEE hardest of all, while i find english and geography the easiest ! :D

*I never knew how much i wanted you, Till today. When u walked into the room my heart starting beating like never before. Haish, Whats is this ? Is this love ?

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.

Im starting to see ... Maybe,we're not meant to be .

Pasts few days have beeeeeennnnn greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt! Everythings gotten back to 'normal' :). Nobody wins when everybody is losing. This is life story of mine is killing me. Its as if theres no way out from this mess. I have got everything i have ever wanted. Great and extrodinary friends. A wonderful yet a little broken family. A broken smile that may now justs be mendable. A heart thats beating. Im breathing and im living, but Somethings justs missing. A piece has been losts in this messed up life. Its never enough to say 'i love you' its never enough to say 'sorry', Nothing is good enough, Im always mad. i cant change my mind. Its like one step forward and two steps back, Its like trying to turn around in a one way street. My head aches to the brim. I cry myself to sleep at night nowdays. I wonder if i will ever mean a thing to you. I wonder if im even in your eyes. I wonder if i should be even doing all that im doing. I wonder if you get the same feeling that i do. I wonder about you. Everything since now and then revolves around you, Because i always have this feeling like we belong and made for each other. Its killing me. Time is moving so fast, Next year. What will happen then ? Whats going to happen now ? Whats ever going to happen ? What fights will happen next year ? Who will stay in my life and who will leave ? Who will come in my life and stay ? Next year will i sit and watch the show or will i play apart in it ? Next year how will they,me and you look like ?Next year use to be so far but now its so close then im scared yet happy, that i made it through one year and i guess i will make it through 5years with Rachel,Leora,Afiqa. Let everything be as it is now, And lets justs relive all those happy moments that were once and still is apart of me. Next year will come and there will be a whole lot more of problems,people will come and go but those who really love and matter to us,stay as long as they can.